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I miss the wind and the sun. More than anything I want to leave the dark wet caverns we’ve cowered in for three years. I don’t remember what grass smells like or even what the color green is. Each time I ask, Martine smiles sadly at me. “Don’t think of those things,” she says. “They’ll only make you sadder. Stay here. Where you’re safe, Gabriel.”

She tells me she has a little girl a year younger than me and worries constantly if she’s safe. I feel so guilty over theses things. Martine is my mother now. If I had never been born maybe she would have been somewhere warm with her girl instead of in a sewer.

I just want to be free, and Martine’s brand of freedom is making me so tired. My wings ache. I fear I’ll never be able to use them again. 

I just don’t know how to go about it because some crests are really geometrical (like Takeda Shingen’s) and then some are really ornate (Like Tokugawa Ieyasus, and Date Masamune’s) and then they all mean things that I have no idea what they actually mean? (Like the Sanada’s Rokumonsen)

"This gate is nearly impossible to break through, what should we do Master Saika?" 

Magoichi sized up the thick wooden door in front of her faction before she dully answered, “We’ll use the grenades. It should be more than ample fire power to take that silly thing down.”

Keiji was in awe of her simple answer to their problem. “And if that doesn’t work, we can use my explosive personality!” he chirped. Keiji smiled broadly and wiggled his eyebrows, opening his arms. 

His joke was met with silence and stares.

Well, he thought it was funny.

I think my parents are too emotionally distressed right now to deal with me so I’m going to go to sleep before I end up laying in bed crying like I did after Anime Boston.

I’m really in need of some encouragement right now. Not so much in the, “Things will get better” sense but like a, “YA-ha! Put your guns on! Blaze full speed ahead towards that goal! You can do it!” sense.

It’s just that I feel so horrible right now because I can’t take care of my parents properly and I can’t take care of myself and I wonder what my purpose is and what I even have to offer. 

Like when I try to come up with lists about things about myself that are good I never find them anymore. 

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